I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
