He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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