Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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