Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just google imaged poop.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
