I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
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My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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