He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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