I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
