i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
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