No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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