Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
