i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
