I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
