I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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