mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
