Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
