not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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