Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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