I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
home. puking in laundry basket.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
