She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
