when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
