I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
