yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
