I take back everything I said about communal showers
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
