great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
a search helicopter?!
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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