So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
