currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
