You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
