Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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