dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Welp...herpes.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
