I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
