upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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