And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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