idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
