she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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