this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
