man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
