I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
