the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
