i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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