Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
