It was confusing and full of hummus
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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