I puked a lego.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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