I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
