dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
