Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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