We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
