I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
