I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
