This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
