rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
