the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
