saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
