I must be too annoying 4 u.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
