official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
