i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
