ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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