Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
