I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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