Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
