I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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