four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
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I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
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Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He did a backflip because drugs
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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