did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
