I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
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