i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
