so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
