So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
