...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
