I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
