Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
