I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
