I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
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I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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