Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
