Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He shit in the fireplace
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
