Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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