there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize